BP 58 - Malevolent Personalities to Be Aware of and to Steer Clear of

In the photo heading this blog post, I've provided a photograph of Ted Bundy, who was highly educated and quite the charmer. Prior to his being executed in 1989, he confessed to killing at least 30 women in seven states. It would be good to note that most serial killers are the complete opposite of the reclusive and extremely weird “Buffalo Bill,” whom some of us “encountered” in the horrifying 1990 fictional movie The Silence of the Lambs. For the most part, serial killers and mass murderers seem, paradoxically, to be “extraordinarily ordinary.”

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In this life, malevolent people exist; and, at some point in your life, you’ll most likely cross paths with many such individuals.

Some, you may just occasionally interact with.

Some, you may see or work with often.

Some may be just an acquaintance; and some may be a complete stranger to you.

Some may be amongst your closest friends.

Some may be in your extended family, and some may even be in your immediate family.

Such a one could be a coworker, a softball buddy, your teacher, your baby-sitter, your Dad [or Mom], your uncle [or aunt], your brother [or sister], your son [or daughter], or even your spouse or boyfriend [or girlfriend].

Regardless of who they are, it’s imperative 1/That you know a little about what makes them tick; and 2/That you learn to listen very keenly to (read, “obey”) your intuition whenever you’re around (or anticipate being around [see Note below]) such ones.

Note: If you have the choice, you, as a human being—and even as a follower of Christ—do NOT have to be around anyone you don’t trust (for any reason—whether you can adequately articulate it or not) or who just makes you feel uncomfortable. For example… let’s say you’re planning to go home for Christmas this year but learn, just two days prior to your holiday visit, that an uncle, whom you feel really uncomfortable around, might be there. If this were to happen, my advice to you would be as follows: Don’t go home for Christmas. My friend, it’s absolutely OKAY to stay away from such people—even if some in your family feel offended or put-off by it. It’s also perfectly OKAY to tell whoever might be interested that the reason you’ve decided not come home for Christmas is because Uncle XXX might be there. And then you can just leave it at that, if you want. Don’t go home, be honest about it, and let the cards fall as they may.

Yes, you’re commanded by Jesus to love them; but… YOU’RE NOT COMMANDED TO TRUST THEM. Emotional trust must always be earned—always!. And it must be earned over a long period of time and in a myriad of different contexts and situations.

Provided below are a few of the more prominent deviant and malevolent personality types to be keenly aware of (and to distance yourself from):

1/People who derive pleasure from the sufferings of others (including animals [see “10/” below]). Do you know someone who laughs at your difficulties or makes jokes at your need for help? who deliberately provokes chaotic or difficult/bad situations just so they can laugh at how such things hurt you and other people? Steer clear of such malevolent people and personalities. Yes, while Jesus loves such ones, H-he doesn’t trust them; neither should you.

2/People who try to control you and others. Do you know someone who does everything in their power to control you? by constantly monitoring where you go, what you’re doing, and with whom you’re doing it? Again, steer clear of such malevolent people.

3/People who (maybe even just by their mere presence) make you feel strange (that is, tired, tense, stressed, uncomfortable, etc.) when you’re around them. Do you know anyone that makes you feel that way? If you’re aware of it, that’s your intuition speaking to you—warning you of danger. 99.99999% of the time, if someone or something feels off to you, that’s because it is (even if you can’t articulate adequately why you feel the way you do). Listen to your intuition—God gave it to you to protect you. And please, please, please… steer clear of the people and situations that feel “off” to you.

4/People who never take responsibility for themselves, their actions, their mistakes, or their outcomes. Do you know someone who’s never wrong? who never apologizes? who never admits they did something wrong, or hurt someone, or made a mistake? who casts blame on everything and everyone else around them (including, perhaps, you) for their losses [of whatever it was], their current situation, or their lot in life? Who seems to ALWAYS be “the victim?” who “scapegoats” others? or who tried to manipulate you into feeling guilty FOR THEIR MISTAKES? These people are very skilled gas-lighters, who constantly try to redefine your reality for you by telling you how totally wrong your recollections, feelings, and perspectives are. “I’m sorry, but you’re absolutely wrong about that,” he [or she] might say. “It wasn’t MY fault; it was YOUR fault! You got the wrong size—again!—and then got defensive when I called you out on it. And then… you just wouldn’t shut up. And because you wouldn’t—or couldn’t—shut up, I helped [notice the minimization and the reframing/redefining of abuse] you do so. Had you just listened to me and done exactly what I told you to do [notice the control and dominance trying to be exercised here], none of this would have ever happened in the first place [notice the blame for his abuse being placed upon you].” Hear me clearly when I say this: YOU WILL NEVER —EVER—WIN WITH SUCH A ONE!! EVER!! If you know such a one, or ever encounter such a one, run for the hills.

5/People who lie (exaggerate, manufacture facts, etc.) incessantly (read, “pathologically”). Pathological liars frequently use their lies to manipulate people and situations, both directly/overtly (through outright lies to your face) and indirectly/covertly (through gossip, story fabrication, inuendo, exaggeration, misrepresentation, spin, slander, libel, etc.). Do you know someone who lies repeatedly? Even about trivial things? Please hear me on this: IT’S IMPOSSIBLE to maintain any kind of real relationship with such a one. All true and generative relationships are built on THE FOUNDATION OF TRUST. A liar is completely untrustworthy; in the end, he [or she] will bite you like a poisonous snake. Run from such people.

6/People who don’t feel remorse (that is, that gnawing distress that arises from a deep sense of guilt and regret over past wrongs, indiscretions, omissions, etc.). Most people feel such things—me included! Do you know someone who never feels guilty for the wrong things he [or she] has done? or for the hurt he’s caused others through his hateful actions? These types of people are incapable of feeling empathy and are, again, exceedingly dangerous [“dangerous for bad,: that is, as opposed to “dangerous for good”]. If someone repeatedly demonstrates a frightening lack of remorse and empathy, please let it frighten you—because it should. And then… do whatever you can to distance yourself from such a one. To find peace of mind, you may even need to move out of the area [see Note below].

Note: If you do move, please know that predator/stalker types will only find out to where you’ve moved and then either permanently or temporarily (and repeatedly) relocate to where you are just so they can torment you. Know too that restraining orders (and things like ROs), in almost all instances, escalate stalking behaviors rather than curbing them.

7/People who act openly and brazenly cruel. Again, these type of people like to hurt others and do so with little to no remorse or empathy. These people can also act exceedingly (and dangerously) aggressive—emotionally, physically, sexually, socially, professionally, etc. If you’re facing such cruelty, distance yourself from such a one, and enlist the help of others to help you find safety. See the Note I wrote above in “6/” about relocating, ROs, and the like.

8/People that your family and friends keep warning you about. If your family, closest friends, or work colleagues are warning you about someone, pay attention to (and value!) such comments—even if their comments irritate you due to your current emotional involvement with the “red-flagged” one. If several people are warning you about someone, pay close attention to their concerns. Know this: Toxic behaviors ALWAYS GET WORSE; THEY NEVER GET BETTER. Distance yourself from such “red-flagged” people before things get out of hand (and far more difficult to resolve). Trust the red flags those who love you are throwing up; and, again, distance yourself from the “red-flagged” person. Do it now… before it’s too late [see Note below].

Note: If you and your children are still breathing, it’s not too late. If you’re in a job, where a boss or colleague is abusing or harassing you, and you’re still standing, it’s not too late. Get out while you still can. Do whatever it takes to get you (and those under your care) out from under such a situation. You must make the choice, and you must pursue your own freedom and peace of mind. No one is going to swoop in and rescue you or your children. Sorry.

9/People who express contempt for you and others. These people love to make you feel inferior; they do this by criticizing everything about you—your appearance, your interests, your dreams, or anything else about you that they feel they can pick on. These people do whatever they can, both overtly and covertly, to cause you to doubt yourself, your abilities, your accomplishments, and your friends and family. In fact, where your friends and family are concerned, they’ll try to separate you from them. “No one will ever love you the way I love you,” he [or she] might say [see Note below]. These types will do whatever they can to trash your dreams and isolate you. They want to weaken your self-esteem, and then they want to shape your self-perceptions to suit their own base ends. Don’t let these people change your perceptions of yourself. If someone’s constantly belittling you, that person not only DOESN’T LOVE YOU, but THEY ALSO HATE YOU. Protect yourself, and get away from such a one—again, while you still can.

 

Note: When an abuser says, “No one will ever love you the way I love you,” I recommend tacking on the following line of thinking, which is probably already right there on the tip of his [or her] tongue (even though he might not actually say it): “…I’ll make sure of it.” Many, many years ago, I had somebody actually say that entire line to me (including the “I’ll make sure of it” part), and it (figuratively) scared the crap out of me.

10/People who’re cruel to animals (and other living, feeling creatures). Animal cruelty is a tell-tale sign of evilness blossoming in someone’s heart and mind. Cruelty toward animals is a tell-tale sign of deep, inner deviance in someone’s character. Such abusive cruelty not only causes suffering in and to the animal, but it also reveals the lack of empathy and emotional control in the abuser. These kinds of behaviors lead often to the perpetrating of greater and greater violence in other arenas, such as in human relationships. If you witness or hear about someone abusing an animal, distance yourself from that person. I’d recommend, too, making a well-placed call to Animal Control or your local SPCA office.